Brightness

So it's official, I HAVE A BOY. :) Now I have always known, of course, that I had produced a boy (with some help from Andy of course) but until this past month I hadn't realized how much of a boy I had. My boy has always displayed certain boy traits, such as a boob fetish. He wasn't breastfed and yet he loves to poke and giggle at my boobs should he ever see them accidently. But recently my boy has began to cruise. And while cruising he has decided, hmmm..... I LOVE to climb. And so he does. ON EVERYTHING. Last week Andy was letting him crawl in our kitchen and by the window and Maddux decided that he would pull up on our child sized picnic table. As parents we whoops and hollar and give abundant praise, until he decides that pulling up isn't all that great. He wants ON TOP of the picnic table. So he proceeds to pull with all his might and climbs, his first time trying, to the top of the picnic table. My husband cheers with support while I begin to feel whoozy and real...

So I'm sitting here in my usual place at naptime, THANK GOD, and feeling frustrated at my life. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a Mommy. I love being a wife, daughter, grand-daughter, sister, sister-in-law....you get the picture. But I feel so empty right now. This year has been a trying year for me. Learning about my failures, my weaknesses, my triumphs as a mother and wife. But I have lost me. I know this happens for thousands if not millions of women who quit their jobs or even don't quit, become mothers and that becomes their lives. I realize now as I'm looking back on my 29 years before baby that I got my self-worth from my husband, my family, and my teaching. I relished in the fact that parents wanted ME to teach their kids and if they didn't get me they were disappointed. They would go to the director and demand their kid be in my class. What a HUGE vote of confidence and loyalty. WOW. I realize I got my self-worth from that. Now that I am not teac...