I have no idea what I'm doing
So this is my first official blog on this interesting website. All my friends have blogs so I thought I had better too, although I have no idea how to work it or if I will even be able to keep up with it! :) So you might wonder why I chose the name Brightness as my title. Last night as I was reading I came across an old verse (of course they are all old, ha) that struck a chord with me. "Let your light shine before others that they may see you good deeds and glorify your father in heaven." Now I don't want people to see "good deeds" but I do want to shine. I was to be a beacon in this dark world, so I chose the name brightness. Maybe I'll be able to live up to that title, maybe not. :)
So I guess I just talk about my life and my thoughts now... My son (who will be 3 months on Friday) is regressing back to old habits in his sleeping area. We were up to 6-7 hours straight of night sleep but last night he woke up at 2:30 (yes a.m.) and thrashed about for half an hour before going back to sleep. I have no idea why. He has been doing this lately. I worry about him because I don't understand this new turn of events in his sleeping patterns. It's frustrating and confusing, but I guess I just chalk it up to this journey called parenthood! :) Today I went to breakfast with an old college friend who now lives in Washington, D.C. It was great catching up and having a moment to eat breakfast, another thing I'm learning about from parenthood, you never get breakfast!! :)
I guess my biggest "problem" these days is trying to meet everyone's expectations but feeling that I'm constantly falling short. I have expectations from my husband, from my family, from his family, from my friends. I wish I could change people's expectations for me. I feel that I can only do so much these days. I'm getting used to being a Mother, being at home, not having a job, and just life as a family of 3. People either forget this or don't think about it and it's so hard for me. I'm a people pleaser, if you know me I'm sure this comes as a surprise to you! :) I hate it when people are upset, mad, or I have let them down. And yet I feel the need to stand up for myself and put my family first which causes me to let people down, frequently. I am trying to learn that I can't live my life according to other's standards or on their timelines. I have to be me, the person I am now and that's the best thing I can be. I am who I was created to be, flawed and all, I hurt people, I let them down, I don't always please them. And I am learning how to do that. Which is so hard for me. I constantly ask my husband, "am I doing the right thing?". But I know God gave me charge over my son, it is my responsibilty to now put him first, behind God that is and my marriage, but you get the point. I have to be confident that God knows what he is doing and that I just need to follow him and eventually everything else will fall into place. I hate waiting! :) So I don't know if that made any sense. I feel that I have lost all my brain cells since having my son!
So I guess that's it. My first blogging experience, and it didn't kill me! :) Now I need to get ready cause my little family of 3 is going to the Nature Center to cash in on this beautiful day!
So I guess I just talk about my life and my thoughts now... My son (who will be 3 months on Friday) is regressing back to old habits in his sleeping area. We were up to 6-7 hours straight of night sleep but last night he woke up at 2:30 (yes a.m.) and thrashed about for half an hour before going back to sleep. I have no idea why. He has been doing this lately. I worry about him because I don't understand this new turn of events in his sleeping patterns. It's frustrating and confusing, but I guess I just chalk it up to this journey called parenthood! :) Today I went to breakfast with an old college friend who now lives in Washington, D.C. It was great catching up and having a moment to eat breakfast, another thing I'm learning about from parenthood, you never get breakfast!! :)
I guess my biggest "problem" these days is trying to meet everyone's expectations but feeling that I'm constantly falling short. I have expectations from my husband, from my family, from his family, from my friends. I wish I could change people's expectations for me. I feel that I can only do so much these days. I'm getting used to being a Mother, being at home, not having a job, and just life as a family of 3. People either forget this or don't think about it and it's so hard for me. I'm a people pleaser, if you know me I'm sure this comes as a surprise to you! :) I hate it when people are upset, mad, or I have let them down. And yet I feel the need to stand up for myself and put my family first which causes me to let people down, frequently. I am trying to learn that I can't live my life according to other's standards or on their timelines. I have to be me, the person I am now and that's the best thing I can be. I am who I was created to be, flawed and all, I hurt people, I let them down, I don't always please them. And I am learning how to do that. Which is so hard for me. I constantly ask my husband, "am I doing the right thing?". But I know God gave me charge over my son, it is my responsibilty to now put him first, behind God that is and my marriage, but you get the point. I have to be confident that God knows what he is doing and that I just need to follow him and eventually everything else will fall into place. I hate waiting! :) So I don't know if that made any sense. I feel that I have lost all my brain cells since having my son!
So I guess that's it. My first blogging experience, and it didn't kill me! :) Now I need to get ready cause my little family of 3 is going to the Nature Center to cash in on this beautiful day!
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