Letters to Me
So I am once again on this journey of reflecting over my life and thinking through things. I think it's good to do this because it reminds me where I've been, where I've triumphed, and where I've stumbled. This past week in the shower I was thinking about the girl I used to be in High School and College and if I was the same girl or different. It's funny that I would ponder such a question because honestly it's been FOREVER since I've been in High School but I think for so long I've tried to prove to myself that I am better then I was in High School and I wondered why I do that.
High School was a BLAST for me!!! I LOVED it!!! It was fun, had lots of friends, a few boyfriends along the way.... I was involved and enjoyed most of my subjects. I was VERY lucky to have the friends that I had and to run in the group I did. God blessed me entirely and shielded me from so many things and I am SO appreciative of that. But for as much as I loved High School I really disliked myself. I was discontent with who I was. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, popular enough, funny enough, sexy enough, smart enough and the list could go on and on. So when I graduated from High School I made a promise to be all those things that I wasn't in High School...... I love the song by Brad Paisley "Letter to Me". It talks about a grown up man wishing he could write a note to his former self from the vantage point he was at now. Oh how I wish I could do that too!!! But maybe I can write somethings down to remind myself for when my son enters high school..... GULP! I wish I had been more confident in myself. I was a nice girl. I came from a good home, with Godly parents and it was stable! I wish that I could tell myself to be secure in their love for me as well as my God's love for me so I didn't have to try to look for it from other people, especially boys. I wish I could tell myself that although some of the boys didn't think I was good enough and didn't treat me like I was good enough in all truth they weren't good enough for me! And to happy and content when those relationships didn't work out. Looking back I see the girl I was and in some respects I want to be her again. I want to be carefree, fun, funny, adventurous, daring, willing to take chances, loved hard and hurt hard, hard working and goal oriented, and to be strong in my values. I think I worked so hard after my High School years to not be who I was in High School and I think my college years might have been easier if I had stayed the same.
It's funny now that I'm looking back at the me I used to be and I feel a sense of pride. Many made fun of me, teased me because I was naive but I am SO blessed to have not learned some of the hard lessons children learn in High School!! I had loyal friends who picked me up after each break-up, who stood behind me even when I was dumb and went after the same boy time and time again, and were content with swimming in my pool at home or going on hikes in the way of adventures and time away from school. I know that girl that I left in High School and although time has changed me, it's inevitable, I'm proud that she's still within me. She has matured and has had some of life's disappointments thrust at her but she's still here, apart of me. Oh to be 17 again and have the world at my feet...
Looking back as an almost 33 year old I'm thankful for my High School and College growing pains!! I've learned my lessons from them and I've moved on. My life is content with a husband whom I love very much and an adorable son who I can't imagine my life without! I wouldn't have either if I had done things differently. Letters to myself might have been helpful, might have changed my path for the better but now I can take my experiences and hopefully my son will listen to them... here's to hoping! I was more than OK back then and I am more than OK now!! Wish it hadn't taken me 33 years to accept that!!! :o)
High School was a BLAST for me!!! I LOVED it!!! It was fun, had lots of friends, a few boyfriends along the way.... I was involved and enjoyed most of my subjects. I was VERY lucky to have the friends that I had and to run in the group I did. God blessed me entirely and shielded me from so many things and I am SO appreciative of that. But for as much as I loved High School I really disliked myself. I was discontent with who I was. I wasn't pretty enough, skinny enough, popular enough, funny enough, sexy enough, smart enough and the list could go on and on. So when I graduated from High School I made a promise to be all those things that I wasn't in High School...... I love the song by Brad Paisley "Letter to Me". It talks about a grown up man wishing he could write a note to his former self from the vantage point he was at now. Oh how I wish I could do that too!!! But maybe I can write somethings down to remind myself for when my son enters high school..... GULP! I wish I had been more confident in myself. I was a nice girl. I came from a good home, with Godly parents and it was stable! I wish that I could tell myself to be secure in their love for me as well as my God's love for me so I didn't have to try to look for it from other people, especially boys. I wish I could tell myself that although some of the boys didn't think I was good enough and didn't treat me like I was good enough in all truth they weren't good enough for me! And to happy and content when those relationships didn't work out. Looking back I see the girl I was and in some respects I want to be her again. I want to be carefree, fun, funny, adventurous, daring, willing to take chances, loved hard and hurt hard, hard working and goal oriented, and to be strong in my values. I think I worked so hard after my High School years to not be who I was in High School and I think my college years might have been easier if I had stayed the same.
It's funny now that I'm looking back at the me I used to be and I feel a sense of pride. Many made fun of me, teased me because I was naive but I am SO blessed to have not learned some of the hard lessons children learn in High School!! I had loyal friends who picked me up after each break-up, who stood behind me even when I was dumb and went after the same boy time and time again, and were content with swimming in my pool at home or going on hikes in the way of adventures and time away from school. I know that girl that I left in High School and although time has changed me, it's inevitable, I'm proud that she's still within me. She has matured and has had some of life's disappointments thrust at her but she's still here, apart of me. Oh to be 17 again and have the world at my feet...
Looking back as an almost 33 year old I'm thankful for my High School and College growing pains!! I've learned my lessons from them and I've moved on. My life is content with a husband whom I love very much and an adorable son who I can't imagine my life without! I wouldn't have either if I had done things differently. Letters to myself might have been helpful, might have changed my path for the better but now I can take my experiences and hopefully my son will listen to them... here's to hoping! I was more than OK back then and I am more than OK now!! Wish it hadn't taken me 33 years to accept that!!! :o)
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