God hears our prayers
So these last few weeks I've been plagued by a burden for a little girl that I have never met. Her name is Lanie Ann Watkins. She is the niece of two amazing women that I knew in college. She just turned 2 and about a year ago was diagnosed with cancer. Her family has been bravely fighting and doing everything they can do for little Lanie but the cancer is just too strong. About a week or two ago the doctors at St. Jude told Lanie's Mom and Dad that they could do no more. Lanie didn't have much time left. So Lanie's Mom and Dad brought her home to be around friends and family.
I have struggled these last few weeks with this. I love God, I don't understand Him but I KNOW He only wants the best for me and for His kids. So how could losing a 2 year old child be His will and the best for Lanie's parents. I also look at my own 3 year old, vibrant, happy, healthy child and I don't understand why Lanie and not us. Not that I would wish this on my family or my precious son but why is one kid more deserving to be whole and one not. It doesn't make sense. My heart has been burdened with the pain I KNOW her parents are feeling. The loss, the bitterness, the heart crushing burden they are facing. It amazes me because they have been faithful in their stance that God will provide Lanie's miracle. They trust Him, even if death is the path that happens to their sweet Lanie. I admire them for that, I am 100% sure I wouldn't be as strong! But during the end of Lanie's journey I have began to question if God really was listening. I know the answer to this but it just seemed if people from all over were praying and believing God would give Lanie her miracle why wasn't it happening. Things went from bad to worse a few days ago for Lanie. She fell and hit her head on carpet, not hard, but it caused her to have a seizure. That was Friday night and she hadn't woken up since, and the doctors said to not expect her to ever wake up again....
This is where my prayers began to change. I prayed not for Lanie's miracle, because I think her miracle and healing may not happen on this world, but to pray for her to wake up. For her to have these last few days with her family and for them to have this time with her. I also prayed that God would send His prettiest angel to be with Lanie. Many friends who have been around others who have passed from cancer or other diseases say that their loved ones could see children and angels around them when they themselves couldn't. I believe the closer you come to death the veil is lifted so you get a glimpse of what is to come. So I prayed for that angel and for her to be surrounded and feel peace and not pain, but love and happiness. Today my prayer was answered, as were the prayers of so many. Lanie opened her eyes. To some it may not be much and they may turn up a nose at the answer to prayer saying it's not enough when she is still dying but I think it shows how much our Father loves us. He sees the pain her family is in. He knows the outcome of this trial but instead of just taking Lanie He is giving her family a chance to be with her and to see her eyes one more time. I can't imagine a better or bigger gift.
My heart still throbs in pain for this family. I am SO incredibly blessed to have a son who is healthy, crazy busy, talkative, pushing his boundaries and near perfect in every way. But I am so blessed to see God's answer to this prayer!! At our MOPs type group last week one mentor Mom talked about Haggar that I want to type. It fits so perfectly with my feelings today:
Genesis 16
"No Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abran's wife, took Hagar the Egyptain, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. And Sarai said to Abram, "may the wrong done to me be on you. I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!" But Abram said to Sarai, "Behold, your servant is in your power do to her as your please." Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her. The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?" She said, "I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai." The angel of the Lord said to her, "Return to your mistress and submit to her." The angel of the Lord also said to her, "I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannont be numbered for miltitude." and the angel of the Lord said to her, "Behold, you are pregnant and shall bear a son. You shall call his name Ishmael, because the Lord has listened to your affliction. He shall be a wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he shall dwell against all his kinsman." So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "truly here I have seen Him who looks after me."
Afterwards Hagar refered to God as "El-Roi", meaning she had gone on after God had saw her.
I love how this story refers to so many struggles in my life. When I put my will before the Lord's and when I try to get my way I end up making a bigger mess than if I just left well enough alone and let God handle it. But I love how even though Haggar hadn't been nice to Sarah and vice versa God didn't turn His back to her. She says, "You are a God of seeing, truly here I have seen him who looks after me." God see's us and hears our prayers. He looks after us even in those moments when our hearts are broken and our pain seems too much to bear.
The journey for Lanie is just getting started. She has an amazing life ahead of her. One free of pain, free of this world, free to love her God without any restrictions. She is truly the blessed one!! I pray that the next time I forget or lose sight of the fact that my God see's me and is looking after me I will remember these verses and Haggar. My El-Roi is with me, and with you, during all our stages in life. Brings some peace to my very burdened heart!!!
I have struggled these last few weeks with this. I love God, I don't understand Him but I KNOW He only wants the best for me and for His kids. So how could losing a 2 year old child be His will and the best for Lanie's parents. I also look at my own 3 year old, vibrant, happy, healthy child and I don't understand why Lanie and not us. Not that I would wish this on my family or my precious son but why is one kid more deserving to be whole and one not. It doesn't make sense. My heart has been burdened with the pain I KNOW her parents are feeling. The loss, the bitterness, the heart crushing burden they are facing. It amazes me because they have been faithful in their stance that God will provide Lanie's miracle. They trust Him, even if death is the path that happens to their sweet Lanie. I admire them for that, I am 100% sure I wouldn't be as strong! But during the end of Lanie's journey I have began to question if God really was listening. I know the answer to this but it just seemed if people from all over were praying and believing God would give Lanie her miracle why wasn't it happening. Things went from bad to worse a few days ago for Lanie. She fell and hit her head on carpet, not hard, but it caused her to have a seizure. That was Friday night and she hadn't woken up since, and the doctors said to not expect her to ever wake up again....
This is where my prayers began to change. I prayed not for Lanie's miracle, because I think her miracle and healing may not happen on this world, but to pray for her to wake up. For her to have these last few days with her family and for them to have this time with her. I also prayed that God would send His prettiest angel to be with Lanie. Many friends who have been around others who have passed from cancer or other diseases say that their loved ones could see children and angels around them when they themselves couldn't. I believe the closer you come to death the veil is lifted so you get a glimpse of what is to come. So I prayed for that angel and for her to be surrounded and feel peace and not pain, but love and happiness. Today my prayer was answered, as were the prayers of so many. Lanie opened her eyes. To some it may not be much and they may turn up a nose at the answer to prayer saying it's not enough when she is still dying but I think it shows how much our Father loves us. He sees the pain her family is in. He knows the outcome of this trial but instead of just taking Lanie He is giving her family a chance to be with her and to see her eyes one more time. I can't imagine a better or bigger gift.
My heart still throbs in pain for this family. I am SO incredibly blessed to have a son who is healthy, crazy busy, talkative, pushing his boundaries and near perfect in every way. But I am so blessed to see God's answer to this prayer!! At our MOPs type group last week one mentor Mom talked about Haggar that I want to type. It fits so perfectly with my feelings today:
"No Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abran's wife, took Hagar the Egyptain, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. And Sarai said to Abram, "may the wrong done to me be on you. I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!" But Abram said to Sarai, "Behold, your servant is in your power do to her as your please." Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her. The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, "Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?" She said, "I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai." The angel of the Lord said to her, "Return to your mistress and submit to her." The angel of the Lord also said to her, "I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannont be numbered for miltitude." and the angel of the Lord said to her, "Behold, you are pregnant and shall bear a son. You shall call his name Ishmael, because the Lord has listened to your affliction. He shall be a wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he shall dwell against all his kinsman." So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, "You are a God of seeing," for she said, "truly here I have seen Him who looks after me."
Afterwards Hagar refered to God as "El-Roi", meaning she had gone on after God had saw her.
The journey for Lanie is just getting started. She has an amazing life ahead of her. One free of pain, free of this world, free to love her God without any restrictions. She is truly the blessed one!! I pray that the next time I forget or lose sight of the fact that my God see's me and is looking after me I will remember these verses and Haggar. My El-Roi is with me, and with you, during all our stages in life. Brings some peace to my very burdened heart!!!
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