Brightness

So I have been running every Saturday morning for about a month now. Each week the distance gets farther and harder and I often doubt my ability to do it, especially about the half-way point. :o) This morning as I started out my run (a little later than normal cause I didn't want to get out of bed) I received a call from my Mom about a death in the family. It was horribly sad and although I didn't know this person very well and it had been a long time since I last saw him and it was tragic and shook me. So as I'm walking, running and crying I begin to feel a sense of something or someone. I can't explain it except I remember at one time during my run around 2.3 miles I just looked to the side of me and said "Jesus run with me. Don't leave me alone" and in that moment I heard "you are never alone, of course I'll run with you". Now I'm not saying Jesus spoke directly to me. There was no bright light, no words of thunder where I could audib...

Is it really 10 years since our world changed forever? In some ways it seems like a very long time ago. Time does indeed heal the rawness that this day brought. But at the same time, just like everyone else, I will never forget where I was, what I was doing, who told me, etc on that fateful day. When I remember it's almost as if times has not passed and the pain tumbles over my heart and pours out of me. 10 years ago I had only been married about a month and a half. I was a preschool teacher at Parkcrest Assembly of God teaching 16 three year olds all day long. The job was incredibly demanding and hard but the kids were the reason I went every day. I remember hearing from a crying mother as she dropped off her son, Mason, that a plane had hit the 1st tower, then a few moments later a 2nd plane. We were under attack. Our classroom was filled with anxiety that day. The three year olds didn't understand what terrorists were or even where New York City was but they could see the ...

How can my "baby" be 3 already?? Doesn't seem possible that 3 years has come and gone since I've held that not so tiny newborn in my arms. My sister does something where she writes her kids a note on their birthdays and I love that idea. So I'm stealing it... :o) Maddux here is your note. My beautiful boy, Oh how I wish the words I love you were enough to express just how deeply in love with you I am. I look at your beautiful eyes, your crooked ear, your little belly and I can't help but smile. You are absolute perfection!!! I feel beyond honored to be your Mommy!!! You are 3, and what a 3 year old you are. Your starting to become very independent, "I do myself" is one of your favorite lines. Along with "I big boy now" as a way to do something dangerous or break a rule. :o) It makes me laugh when I think of it. Even though your independent your kind and compassionate. Mommy had her feelings hurt and was crying and you came and offered...

Growing up I would get shoot pain up my legs at odd hours of the day for not particular reason. My Mom always called them growing pains. She said they were making me tall and strong. Oh how I HATED those growing pains!!! They would keep me up in the middle of the night, hinder my activities during the day and required me to sit still which I hated to do. But my Mom was right, like she most of the time was. I grew tall and strong because of those growing pains. Today I was again reminded of how life is a lot of different growing pains. There are times in our lives where everything is going smoothly, all relationships are fantastic and life couldn't get more sweet! Then there are other times where pains invade our world, keeping us up at night, hindering our activities and sometimes requiring us to sit still and think things through. I think for me I am going to stop looking at them as growing pains. It sounds so negative and I don't think all growing is negative. It doesn'...

So I am once again on this journey of reflecting over my life and thinking through things. I think it's good to do this because it reminds me where I've been, where I've triumphed, and where I've stumbled. This past week in the shower I was thinking about the girl I used to be in High School and College and if I was the same girl or different. It's funny that I would ponder such a question because honestly it's been FOREVER since I've been in High School but I think for so long I've tried to prove to myself that I am better then I was in High School and I wondered why I do that. High School was a BLAST for me!!! I LOVED it!!! It was fun, had lots of friends, a few boyfriends along the way.... I was involved and enjoyed most of my subjects. I was VERY lucky to have the friends that I had and to run in the group I did. God blessed me entirely and shielded me from so many things and I am SO appreciative of that. But for as much as I loved High School I re...

Well it's official... I am training for my first half marathon. Many may not see this as exciting but to this former fat girl it TOTALLY is. I have always dreamed of running a marathon but I was too fat to do it. I allowed life, lack of control, and self loathing to strip me of my dreams as I gained weight. Over 9 years of marriage I gained almost 100lbs of weight... I hate even writing that but in order to progress I need to admit where I've come. Now almost 80lbs lighter I am FINALLY finding my worth, my drive and my passions again!! THANK GOD! One of those dreams was to run a marathon. Now let me be the first to say that while in High School and College I enjoyed running. I was very active and when I needed to blow off steam I ran, and ran long distances. Since then I have lost that ability to run distance. Sure I could run but run a long way I couldn't. Part of that was the weight and part of that was just a lost of desire to handle my stress that way. Instead I turn...

So this past Wednesday I got to finally go down and help clean up some in Joplin... I have been longing to go down there and get my hands in that rubble after the May 22nd tornado since the 23rd. But because of schedules and my Dad being in Russia at the time I decided to wait. I also knew that a lot of people would jump at the chance to go at the beginning but would get tired and would forget as the weeks went on. I'm glad I waited. No I didn't get the devastation for my self in all it's "glory" with cars piled up and people's broken lives spread across miles. I did see plenty of heart wrenching houses with stories that I didn't dare ask. I praised God when I saw the Junior High and High School because if it had been Monday there would have been a GREAT number of lives lost. I stood in awe at the trees, striped to it's white flesh beginning to grow tuft's of leaves back. I listened to a story of fear and of rebuilding. It was a BEAUTIFUL trip!!! I...